Evolution of a Scene
As any professional writer can tell you, editing is half (or maybe more!) of the job. Any scene that you see in LOVE & MAGIC: SPELLFYRE has gone through many, many iterations before it gets to you. These iterations can range from minor typo fixes to complete rewrites.
When you sit down to write that very first scene, you haven't given life to any of the characters or locations before. You're still trying to find the overall tone, plus the right voice for everyone; the scene is a moving target. But once you figure out those things, you know what to aim for.
We wanted to give you an inside look at how one of our early scenes has changed over time.
Note: These excerpts have been adapted for readability and format. SPELLFYRE is still in development, and any and all parts of it will undergo changes before release.
Just as an art asset will go through a lot of changes from sketch to final, so too do our scenes. Above, you can see two early sketches of the same BG.
Draft 1: Just Get Words On Page
“EVENT
A building looms ahead of you, elegant and imposing.
RHIANNON
This is House Onyx, your new home, sanctuary, and family. You’ll be living on the second floor with the other First Years, and you’ll be spending most of your time with them.
RHIANNON
And would you look at that? There’s two of your floormates now.
EVENT
You follow Rhiannon’s gaze to the steps of the house. There, you see two young people chatting: a beautiful girl with a radiant energy…
IRIDESSA
I can’t believe we’re in the same House! I know we’re going to make the best team, right?
EVENT
And a smug-looking young man, leaning back against the railing with a dismissive air.
BARDRIC
Yeah, we’ll kill it... but not if the rest of our floor brings us down. They’d better be able to pull their weight.
RHIANNON
Well? What are you waiting for? Go introduce yourself.
EVENT
With a nervous swallow, you approach the two.
YOU
Uh, hey guys. I’m [Sable]. I think we’ll be, uh, floor-mates.
IRIDESSA
Oh hi! It’s so nice to meet you! I’m Iridessa Brightsage!
EVENT
She holds out her hand and you take it. Her skin is soft, her touch warm. The guy, meanwhile, watches with disinterest. You glance his way, and he shrugs.
BARDIC
Bardric Arkland.
IRIDESSA
Ahhhhh, this is so exciting! Look at us, all getting along already!
IRIDESSA
So I’m already thinking about the first party of the year. I’m kind of leaning towards a harvest theme. What do you think, Bardric
BARDRIC
I think I couldn’t care less about a party. I’m just ready to get to my first class and start learning real magic.
> CHOICE 1 <
YOU
Iridessa, I love the harvest theme.
YOU
You thinking pumpkins, red and orange lighting, cider with a kick?
IRIDESSA
Yes! It’s perfect! Ahhh, I know we’re going to be best friends!
> CHOICE 2 <
YOU
Bardric, I can’t wait for class either.
YOU
I’ve wanted to learn magic my whole life. I’m so ready to dive into it!
BARDRIC
Oh, I’m not ‘diving into it’. I’m ready to show everyone how good I am.
BARDIC
But hey. At least we’re kind of on the same page.
> END CHOICE <
BARDRIC
Where are you from, [Sable]?
YOU
Uh, well, up north, near the Frostpeaks. Near Falcrest, you’ve probably never heard of it...
IRIDESSA
Falcrest? Why does that sound familiar?
BARDRIC
That’s where that festival was, the one that–
EVENT
You can spot the exact moment when realization dawns across their faces, and the mood immediately curdles.
BARDRIC
Wait a minute... it’s you! You’re the one who destroyed that festival! You’re Dreadbane’s heir!”
This draft does a lot of important exploration of tone, but high-level, it's a little boring and too long, and it doesn't do enough to establish how the characters relate to each other.
It also combines LI introductions in a way that doesn't give either a chance to shine. One of the biggest changes we made here is keeping Bardric and writing an entirely new scene for Iridessa.
Draft 2: Shorter and More Active
“EVENT
A building looms ahead of you, elegant and imposing.
RHIANNON
This is House Onyx, your new home, sanctuary, and family. You’ll be living on the second floor with the other First Years. And I–
EVENT
But before she can finish, there’s a commotion from across the quad. You both turn to see a tall, handsome young man with haughty features, striding confidently your way as everyone points and stares.
YOU
Who’s he?
RHIANNON
Another one of my First Years. And your worst nightmare.
EVENT
He spots you and walks over, flanked by a small entourage, and angrily addresses Rhiannon.
BARDRIC
Rhiannon Lux, yes? Head of House Onyx? I need a word with you, now.
BARDRIC
My father was assured that I’d be personally greeted at the gates by Headmistress Windworn and given a guided tour of the campus by the Head of my House.
BARDRIC
Instead, Windworn is nowhere to be found, and you’re here, giving a tour to–who is this, anyway?
> CHOICE 1 <
YOU
I’m [Sable].
BARDRIC
Okay? And why would I care?
> CHOICE 2 <
YOU
I’m just a First Year.
BARDRIC
Good for you? I’m not, and I’d like an explanation.
> CHOICE 3 <
YOU
I’m none of your business.
BARDRIC
Excuse me? Who the hell do you think you are talking to me like that?
> END CHOICE <
EVENT
One of Bardric’s entourage steps forward, placing a hand on his shoulder.
SOREN
Bardric, don’t you know who that is? That’s Andros Dreadbane’s heir!
BARDRIC
What? No... no way in hell...
BARDRIC
Windworn has to be out of her damn mind! You get the big welcome? You?! You ought to be rotting away in a cell!”
There was a huge jump between draft 1 and 2! But Bardric's voice is still too whiny and his introduction doesn't work as the foundation for an enemies-to-lovers relationship. It’s just enemies here.
Draft 3: Punch Up
“EVENT
Rhiannon leads you to an imposing dormitory on the far side of the quad, with a dozen students hanging around outside.
RHIANNON
This is Onyx House, your new home. You’ll be–
EVENT
But before she can finish, the doors to the house fly open, and a handsome young man struts out, flanked by two of his friends.
RHIANNON
And... here we go.
FLATCHER
You’re serious? Your father let you fly Ravenwing here?
BARDRIC
Of course. He’s the finest griffin in the entire Republic... and you know I have to make an entrance for my first day at Elderwood.
SOREN
That’s so badass…
BARDRIC
Well, it–
EVENT
But his words stop as he sees you, and his gaze suddenly grows cold as ice.
BARDRIC
And who... exactly... are you?
> CHOICE 1 <
YOU
I’m [Sable] Dreadbane.
> CHOICE 2 <
YOU
I’m just a First Year.
BARDRIC
And what’s your name, First Year?
RHIANNON
I think you already know, Bardric.
> CHOICE 3 <
YOU
I’m none of your business.
BARDRIC
Oh, you very much are my damn business. So I’m going to ask you again. Who the hell are you?
RHIANNON
I think you already know, Bardric
> END CHOICE <
EVENT
A shocked murmur runs through the crowd of assembled students.
BARDRIC
So it’s true. I can’t believe it. Windworn really let the spawn of Andros Dreadbane in!”
Again, a nice improvement here, but it's still lacking something.
The answer actually came from writing notes on a different scene as we examined the narrator tone more closely. We decided to use a "voice-y" narrator with more personality, so we had to adjust every scene we'd written up until that point, including this one.
Draft 4: Make the Narrator Pop
The next version of this scene was shared earlier this year in this blog post: https://www.candlelight.games/updates/scene-excerpt-first-day.
But–fun fact!–even that version of the scene has been updated several times since we posted it in January. And while we're happy with the writing's current state, it's very likely we'll have to make a few more adjustments as game features are finalized. That's one of the fun things that distinguishes game writing from prose–sometimes you have to make changes not for a writing reason, but for a game reason.
One of the biggest challenges for young writers is knowing when a scene is done. You can always make another tweak, but eventually you'll hit a point of diminishing returns. More importantly, you can't share it with readers or players if you never let it be finished. So while you should embrace making big changes during the editing phase, make sure you eventually put your pencil down. ✍️